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[翻译]聊天室的冷笑话

好久没有疯言疯语一番了，不过这次并不是我在发疯，而是一群美国人在聊天室里的疯话。

　　作为一种流行的聊天方式，IRC聊天室总是会聚集很多小白，其中自然也会产生一些非常有趣的对话，而bash.org就是一家专门收集IRC对话的网站。bash.org上的对话片段由使用者进行提交，然后再由用户投票选出最搞笑的。于是乎，无聊的本人就摘取了一些票数较高的对话记录，供大家一笑。它们不一定很好笑，但一定很冷……

　　这些玩意儿大多是逻辑性的，包含英语文字游戏的笑话本人都做了注释，还有一些涉及电脑专业知识，这些你要看不懂我可救不了你了。

　　所有对话均由本人亲自翻译，选取时去除了一些不甚雅致的片断，部分脏字也换用更为缓和的字眼代替。原文中有很多美式网络俚语，为避免影响阅读，翻译后不过多用网络用语。

<erno> hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is. <erno> 嗯，我丢了一台电脑……字面意义上的「丢」。它能响应我的ping操作，也能完全正常地工作，我只是不知道把它放在了家里的什么地方。
<DeadMansHand> haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk
<DeadMansHand> we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first
<DeadMansHand> took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out
<DeadMansHand> i looked around for pete and he must've chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh
<DeadMansHand> What'd he say when he woke up this morning?
<Thirteen-> uhh.. he hasn't come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you?
<DeadMansHand> holy f**k.
<DeadMansHand> i f**king hope im wrong about what im thinking right now
<DeadMansHand> im f**king going back to the beach to make sure
<DeadMansHand> if he gets home, call me, i don't want to be worrying about this
<Thirteen-> will do. you better hope he's not still buried, you'll be in deep shit.
quit: (DeadMansHand)
<Tyran> wtf? pete came home last night you f**k. Ken's going to be worrying about this shit all day
<Thirteen-> haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts
join: (PeteRepeat) (bob@3F8C4655.11D1C8C.18637D35.IP)
<PeteRepeat> f**king ken
<PeteRepeat> ken... that f**ker buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot
<quiqsilver> pete, ken didn't come back last night, i thought he was with you.
<PeteRepeat> oh f**k.
<PeteRepeat> if ken shows up, make sure he doesn't know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don't want him to think i care or anything.
quit: (PeteRepeat)
<Thirteen-> rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach.		 <DeadMansHand>哈哈，昨晚上我和皮特出去庆祝他订婚，喝了个烂醉
<DeadMansHand> 我们突发奇想互相把对方埋在水边的沙子里，看看谁会先临阵脱逃
<DeadMansHand> 过了大概半个小时，水漫过了我的脸，我就吓得开溜了
<DeadMansHand> 我找了皮特半天，估计他一定早就溜回家或是哪儿了
<DeadMansHand> 他今天早上醒来说了什么没有？
<Thirteen-> 呃……他还没有回家……我还以为他和你在一起呢
<DeadMansHand> 该死的
<DeadMansHand> 我真他妈希望我现在想的是错的
<DeadMansHand> 妈的，我得回海滩确认一下
<DeadMansHand> 他要是到家了就打电话给我，我可不想为这事儿发愁
<Thirteen-> 没问题，你最好盼着他没在那儿埋着，不然你麻烦可就大了
DeadMansHand 退出了聊天室
<Tyran> 你搞什么鬼？ 你妈的皮特昨晚就回来了，基恩要为那个人渣犯一整天愁了
<Thirteen-> 哇哈哈， 但这么一来就有趣多了
(PeteRepeat) (bob@3F8C4655.11D1C8C.18637D35.IP) 进入了聊天室
<PeteRepeat> 杀千刀的基恩
<PeteRepeat> 基恩……那个混蛋昨天晚上把我埋进了沙子里，我5分钟就跑掉了，让他自己留下来发傻
<quiqsilver> 皮特，基恩昨晚没有回家，我还以为他和你在一起呢
<PeteRepeat> 喔，见鬼
<PeteRepeat> 如果基恩露了面，千万别说我在海滩找他。我可不想让他觉得我在担心他怎么的
PeteRepeat 退出了聊天室
<Thirteen-> ，这两个家伙会在海滩碰头时得到个大惊喜的
<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<phxl|paper> and DANCE
* nmp3bot dances :D\-<
* nmp3bot dances :D|-<
* nmp3bot dances :D/-<
<[SA]HatfulOfHollow> i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet		 <Zybl0re> 起床
<Zybl0re> 起床啦
<Zybl0re> 起床
<Zybl0re> 起床啦
<phxl|paper> 然后跳舞
* nmp3bot 跳舞 :D\-<
* nmp3bot 跳舞 :D|-<
* nmp3bot 跳舞 :D/-<
<[SA]HatfulOfHollow> 我要是能发明一种能在网上戳破对方的脸的装置，可就发大财了
<Cthon98> hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars
<Cthon98> ********* see!
<AzureDiamond> hunter2
<AzureDiamond> doesnt look like stars to me
<Cthon98> <AzureDiamond> *******
<Cthon98> thats what I see
<AzureDiamond> oh, really?
<Cthon98> Absolutely
<AzureDiamond> hunter2, you hunter2
<AzureDiamond> haha, does that look funny to you?
<Cthon98> lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that
<Cthon98> yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> awesome!
<AzureDiamond> wait, how do you know my pw?
<Cthon98> er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw
<AzureDiamond> oh, ok.		 <Cthon98> 嘿，如果你打出你的密码来，它会变成星号
<Cthon98> ********* 看见没！
<AzureDiamond> hunter2
<AzureDiamond> 看起来不像是星号
<Cthon98> <AzureDiamond> *******
<Cthon98> 这是我看见的
<AzureDiamond> 哦，真的吗？
<Cthon98> 当然
<AzureDiamond>hunter2，你这个 hunter2
<AzureDiamond> 哈哈，你看起来会很有趣吗？
<Cthon98> :)， 没错。看，你打 hunter2 的时候，他显示给我们的是 *******
<AzureDiamond> 酷啊，我还不知道聊天室有这个功能
<Cthon98> 那是，不论你打多少遍 hunter2，他都会对我们显示成 *******
<AzureDiamond> 太强了！
<AzureDiamond> 等等，你是怎么知道我密码的？
<Cthon98> 呃，我复制和粘贴了你的「*******」，这样它会对你会显示成 hunter2，因为那是你的密码
<AzureDiamond> 哦，原来如此
<xterm> The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the
safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?		 <xterm> 美国的问题就是因为有太多蠢人蠢事了。我不是说该判这些蠢货死罪，但是我们为什么不干脆把东西上的安全标识统统拿掉，然后让这些问题自己解决 ？
<i8b4uUnderground> d-_-b
<BonyNoMore> how u make that inverted b?
<BonyNoMore> wait
<BonyNoMore> never mind		 <i8b4uUnderground> d-_-b
<BonyNoMore> 你是怎么打出那个翻过来的b的?
<BonyNoMore> 等等
<BonyNoMore> 没事了
<Ben174> : If they only realized 90% of the overtime they pay me is only cause i like staying here playing with Kazaa when the bandwidth picks up
after hours.
<ChrisLMB> : If any of my employees did that they'd be fired instantly.
<Ben174> : Where u work?
<ChrisLMB> : I'm the CTO at LowerMyBills.com
*** Ben174 (BenWright@LowerMyBills.com) Quit		 <Ben174> : 如果他们意识到，他们付给我的90%的加班费仅仅是让我在工作后网络加速时坐在这儿用Kazaa（P2P下载软件）下下东西，那该有多妙
<ChrisLMB> : 要是我的职员这么做，他们马上就得卷铺盖走人
<Ben174> : 你在哪儿工作？
<ChrisLMB> : 我是 LowerMyBills.com 的首席技术官
*** Ben174 (BenWright@LowerMyBills.com) 退出了聊天室
<T-Wolf> man, my girlfriend left me for some faggot named robert
<RdAwG20> you don't live in Hope mills do you?
<T-Wolf> ya, why man?
<RdAwG20> lol, just wondering, was her namne alisson?
<T-Wolf> you mother f**ker		 <T-Wolf> 我的女朋友甩了我，跟一个叫罗伯特的蠢货跑了
<RdAwG20> 你不会住在霍普密尔吧？
<T-Wolf> 我就住那儿啊，怎么了老兄？
<RdAwG20> 我在猜，她的名字是不是叫爱丽珊？
<T-Wolf> 滚你妈的！
Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me
GarbageStan23: why?
Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here
sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.
Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire!
GarbageStan23: oh shit!
Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she
saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever
Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....

Rabidplaybunny87: 好吧，我的邻居算是恨死我了
GarbageStan23: 怎么了？
Rabidplaybunny87: 嗯，我、大卫和安德鲁在后院玩篝火，做点烧烤什么的……然后我们突然听见了警笛声，还看见救火车开进了我们前面的街道
Rabidplaybunny87: 我们就都跑去看看出了什么事，是我们邻居的房子着火了！
GarbageStan23: 哦，该死的！
Rabidplaybunny87:是啊，我们到那儿时，那妻子正扑在老公怀里大哭，我们就站在那儿，然后她看见了我们，10秒左右之后，她朝我们露出了最难看的脸色。
Rabidplaybunny87: 原来我们手上还握着插着软糖的烧烤棒，看着火在烧……

<NES> ^^
<NES> I download something from Napster
<NES> And the same guy I downloaded it from starts downloading it from me when I'm done
<NES> I message him and say "What are you doing? I just got that from you"
<NES> "getting my song back f**ker"		 <NES> ^^
<NES> 我用Napster（P2P下载软件）下了几首歌
<NES> 当我下完了时，那个提供这几首歌的人又开始重新从我这儿下载
<NES> 我发了条消息问他「你在干吗？ 我刚从你那儿下载过来」
<NES> 「把我的歌拿回来，混蛋」

<jeebus> the "bishop" came to our church today
<jeebus> he was a f**ken impostor
<jeebus> never once moved diagonally

 <jeebus> 今天主教 (bishop) 来我们教堂了
<jeebus> 他根本就是个冒牌货
<jeebus> 从来不走对角线
（bishop：1.主教。2. 国际象棋中的「象」，一主教冠形状的棋子，可以在棋盘上没子的地方对角移动任意距离。）
<Th3No0b> Im going to be the next hitler
<Th3No0b> Im going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
<RageAgainsttheAmish> why the clown
<Th3No0b> See? no one cares about the jews		 <Th3No0b> 我要成为下一个希特勒
<Th3No0b> 我要杀掉所有的犹太人和一个乡巴佬
<RageAgainsttheAmish> 乡巴佬？为什么？
<Th3No0b> 看见没？没有人关心犹太人
<tag> Ouroboros: lets play Pong
<Ouroboros> Ok.
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> . |
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> . |
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> | .
<Ouroboros> Whoops		 <tag> Ouroboros，我们来玩乒乓球吧
<Ouroboros> 好啊
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> . |
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> . |
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> | .
<Ouroboros> 唉呀
<kow`> "There are 10 types of people in the world... those who understand binary and those who don't."
<SpaceRain> That's only 2 types of people, kow.
<SpaceRain> STUPID		 <kow`>「世界上有10种人……一种是懂得二进制的，另一种是不懂的。」
<SpaceRain> 那只有2种人，kow。
<SpaceRain> 傻瓜
（看不懂？那你也是第二种人）
*** Topic in #doghouse is 'Our hearts are extended to the 17 victims of the recent internet fraud'
* Anubis has joined #doghouse
<Anubis> what fraud?
<Kadmium> You haven't heard about it?
<Anubis> no?
<Kadmium> You can read the full story at http://www.********.com
<Anubis> omg wtf!
*** Kadmium changes topic to 'Our hearts are extended to the 18 victims of the recent internet fraud'		 ***狗屋聊天室主题：「17个受害者！关注网络欺诈」
* Anubis 进入了聊天室
<Anubis> 什么欺诈？
<Kadmium> 你没听说过？
<Anubis> 没啊
<Kadmium> 你可以去 http://www.********.com 看详细报道
<Anubis> 我的天，搞什么鬼？
*** Kadmium 更改主题为：「18个受害者！关注网络欺诈」
<Reverend> IRC is just multiplayer notepad. <Reverend> 聊天室就是个多人在线记事本。
<Patrician|Away> what does your robot do, sam
<bovril> it collects data about the surrounding environment, then discards it and drives into walls		 <Patrician|Away> 萨姆，你的机器人能做什么？
<bovril> 它能收集周围的数据，然后丢掉它们再一头撞到墙上
<Sonium> someone speak python here?
<lucky> HHHHHSSSSSHSSS
<lucky> SSSSS
<Sonium> the programming language		 <Sonium> 有人会python语言吗?
<lucky> HHHHHSSSSSHSSS
<lucky> SSSSS
<Sonium> 我是说程序语言
（python：1.蟒蛇。2.一种程序语言。）
<[TN]FBMachine> i got kicked out of barnes and noble once for moving all the bibles into the fiction section <[TN]FBMachine> 我被Barnes and Noble书店开除了，因为我把《圣经》放到了幻想小说类
<Sui88> 67% of girls are stupid
<V-girl> i belong with the other 13%		 <Sui88> 67%的女孩都是笨蛋
<V-girl> 我是另外的13%
<_kr4m3r> so many f**king criminals, its bullshit
<foniks`> heh, if we sent all the criminals to some empty continent and just left them there to die
<foniks`> and showed up like 50yrs later like, "sup?"
<foniks`> whatd u think they'd say?
<FoSZoR[bg]> something along the lines of, "G`Day mate"		 <_kr4m3r> 他妈的这么多罪犯，真扯
<foniks`> 嘿，如果我们把所有的罪犯都流放到一块无人的大陆，让他们自生自灭
<foniks`> 50年以后再去看看，「sup?」
<foniks`> 你觉得他们会说什么
<FoSZoR[bg]> 比如说「G'Day mate」
（「G'Day mate」和「sup」都是澳大利亚方言，我记得课本上有~~）
IronChef Foicite: well, there's a lot of reasons
IronChef Foicite: i mean, roses only last like a couple weeks
IronChef Foicite: and that's if you leave them in water
IronChef Foicite: and they really only exist to be pretty
IronChef Foicite: so that's like saying
IronChef Foicite: "my love for you is transitory and based solely on your appearance"
IronChef Foicite: but a potato!
IronChef Foicite: potatos last for f**king ever, man
IronChef Foicite: in fact, not only will they not rot, they actually grow shit even if you just leave them in the sack
IronChef Foicite: that part alone makes it a good symbol
IronChef Foicite: but there's more!
IronChef Foicite: there are so many ways to enjoy a potato! you can even make a battery with it!
IronChef Foicite: and that's like saying "i have many ways in which I show my love for you"
IronChef Foicite: and potatos may be ugly, but they're still awesome
IronChef Foicite: so that's like saying "it doesn't matter at all what you look like, I'll still love you"		 IronChef Foicite: 嗯，有很多种原因
IronChef Foicite: 我是说，玫瑰只能保存几个星期
IronChef Foicite: 这还是说你把它泡在水里时
IronChef Foicite: 而且它们真的只是因为漂亮而存在
IronChef Foicite: 所以这就相当于说
IronChef Foicite: 「我对你的爱不过昙花一现，也仅仅是因为你的容貌」
IronChef Foicite: 但是土豆！
IronChef Foicite: 土豆真他妈长寿啊，老兄
IronChef Foicite: 实际上，他们不仅不会腐烂，就算你把它丢进麻袋它还是照样疯长
IronChef Foicite: 光这一点就使它有了绝好的象征
IronChef Foicite: 但是还有！
IronChef Foicite: 土豆的使用方式丰富多彩，你甚至可以拿它作个电池！
IronChef Foicite: 这就像是在说「我有很多方式向你示爱」
IronChef Foicite: 土豆也许很丑陋，但它仍然很棒
IronChef Foicite: 就像是在说「你长得怎样都没有关系，我会依然爱你」
< robT> Name ONE thing that your windows comp can do that my MAC cant
< bawss> Right click.		 < robT> 说出一件你们 Windows 能做而我的 Mac 不能做的事。
< bawss> 右击
<xxxGirlygirlxxx> Thank you for listening to me.
<xxxGirlygirlxxx> You know your a really good listener.
<xxxGirlygirlxxx> Sweety please say something.
<Sandaedar> Ok I'm back.		 <xxxGirlygirlxxx> 谢谢你聆听我的肺腑之言
<xxxGirlygirlxxx> 你真是个好的听众
<xxxGirlygirlxxx> 宝贝，说点儿什么啊
<Sandaedar> 好的，我回来了
<Beeth> Girls are like Internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
<honx> well, you can stil get one from a strange country :-P		 <Beeth> 女孩就像网络域名，我喜欢的都被抢走了
<honx> 嗯，你还是可以在某些奇怪的国家获得的 :-P
<frank> can you help me install GTA3?
<knightmare> first, shut down all programs you aren't using
frank has quit IRC. (Quit)
<knightmare> ...		 <frank> 你能教我安装《侠盗猎车手3》吗？
<knightmare> 首先，关掉所有你不用的程序
frank 退出了聊天室
<knightmare> ……

<born1986> why the f**k isn't my disc drive working
<born1986> i f**king worked on that essay for three friggin' hours in school
<born1986> i now i cant finish it 'cos my f**kin drive ain't working
<Z00ass> you got the right drivers?
<born1986> hell yes
<born1986> it was working fine yesterday
<born1986> why does this shit always happen to me?
<Z00ass> maybe that little clip on the side is in the wrong position
<born1986> i havent touched it since school
<born1986> i'm growing impatient
<born1986> ANGRY even
<Z00ass> throw that shit out tha window

. . .

<born1986> OMG i f**kin did it!!!
<born1986> f**k!!!!!
<Z00ass> it works?
<born1986> no, i threw it out the window
<Z00ass> the disk?
<born1986> NO the whole drive
<born1986> i live on the 6th floor, made a nice *smash*
<Z00ass> :D
<born1986> f**k SHIT f**k
<born1986> THE DISK WAS STILL INSIDE
<born1986> brb

. . .

<born1986> shit
<Z00ass> what? did ya break it?
<born1986> well i couldn't open the drive
<born1986> so i had to pound it against a rock
<Z00ass> :o
<born1986> quite HARD
<born1986> and you know what?
<born1986> that f**king disk wasnt even there
<Z00ass> ???
<born1986> i got so mad i threw the remaiders of the drive on to the freeway
<born1986> and when i got back upstairs i foud the disk inside my bag
<Z00ass> lol
<born1986> I NEVER EVEN PUT IT IN THE DRIVE
<born1986> i'm actually cryin right now

. . .

<born1986> wonder if i could make that drive work again
<born1986> brb

<born1986> 他妈的为什么我的软驱用不了了？
<born1986> 我在学校熬了整整三个小时来写那篇文章
<born1986> 可我现在没法写完，因为我的烂软驱出毛病了
<Z00ass> 你软驱没问题吧？
<born1986> 呸，没有
<born1986> 昨天还好好的
<born1986> 这种倒楣事怎么老发生在我头上？
<Z00ass> 可能磁头位置不对吧
<born1986> 去学校后我就没碰过它
<born1986> 我不耐烦了
<born1986> 怒
<Z00ass> 把那个垃圾扔出窗户吧

. . .

<born1986> 天啊，我真他妈这么做了！
<born1986> 妈的！！
<Z00ass> 好了？
<born1986> 不，我把它丢出窗外了
<Z00ass> 磁盘？
<born1986> 不，整个软驱
<born1986> 我住在6楼，听见了清脆的「碎裂声」
<Z00ass> :D
<born1986> 真他妈见鬼！
<born1986> 磁盘还在里面
<born1986> 我马上回来

. . .

<born1986> 该死的
<Z00ass> 怎么样？摔坏了吗？
<born1986> 嗯，我打不开软驱了
<born1986> 所以我只好拿石头砸它
<Z00ass> :o
<born1986> 真费劲儿啊
<born1986> 而且你知道吗？
<born1986> 那张该死的磁盘根本不在里面
<Z00ass> ？？？
<born1986> 我都要抓狂了，我把这个软驱的残件扔到了高速路上
<born1986> 当我上楼回来的时候，我在我的包里发现了那张磁盘
<Z00ass>
<born1986> 我根本没把它放进软驱！
<born1986> 我现在真的在哭了

. . .

<born1986> 猜猜看我能不能让那台软驱重新工作
<born1986> 我马上回来

<MasterG> .....................................................................
..................................
<judas> where's pacman when you need him?		 <MasterG> .....................................................................
..................................
<judas> 吃豆人在哪儿？你需要他
<YuFFie> SO U HACKING ME THEN HUH
<YuFFie> WElL I GOT NEWS FOR U MISTER I GOT MORE FIREWALL POWERS NOW SO IM SECURE AND IM USING WINDOWS 98 SO IM REALLY
SECURE FROM HACKERS LIKE YOU SO YOU BETTA JUST GIVE UP CUZ U GOT NO HOPE MISTER.
* YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) Quit (Quit: Owned.)
* YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #
<YuFFie> HELP MY MOUSE IS MOVING BY IT SELF		 <YuFFie> 哈，你来黑我啊
<YuFFie> 我知道你的消息所以增强了防火墙现在我是安全的我在用 Windows 98 所以真的很安全你这样的黑客根本动不了我还是放弃吧老兄没希望的。
* YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) 退出了聊天室。
* YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) 加入了聊天室。
<YuFFie> 救命啊我的鼠标自己会动！
random girl: hey!
me: ...hi?
me: who is this?
random girl: Jessica, I saw u on myspace
random girl: ur hot
me: thanks
random girl: np
me: this girl keeps bugging me, but I don't want to talk to her
me: what should I do?
random girl: make up sum excuse, like ur mom is kickin u off or sumthing
me: oh alright
me: I have to go
me: my mom is kicking me off
me: bye

random girl: 嘿！
me: ……嗨？
me: 你是哪位？
random girl: 杰西卡，我在 myspace 上看到你了
random girl: 你人气真旺
me: 谢谢
random girl: 不用谢
me: 有个女孩一直在打扰我，但我不想和他说话
me: 我该怎么办？
random girl: 找点儿借口， 比如你妈妈在踢你下线什么的
me: 哦，好的
me: 我得下了
me: 我妈在踢我下线
me: 886

<benja> A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question
asked was:"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the
food shortage in the rest of the world?"
<benja> The survey was a huge failure...
<benja> In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
<benja> In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
<benja> In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
<benja> In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
<benja> In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
<benja> In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
<benja> And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant		 <benja> 联合国开展了一项国际调查，调查里只问了一个问题：「对于在世界其他地区食物短缺问题的解决办法，请给出你诚实的意见。」
<benja> 这个调查彻底地失败了……
<benja> 在非洲，人们不知道什么叫「食物」。
<benja> 在东欧，人们不知道什么叫「诚实」。
<benja> 在西欧，人们不知道什么叫「短缺」。
<benja> 在中国，人们不知道什么叫「意见」。
<benja> 在中东，人们不知道什么叫「解决办法」。
<benja> 在南美，人们不知道什么叫「请」。
<benja> 而在美国，人们不知道什么叫「世界的其他地区」。

<ehFk> so today in class Mr. Frank was like "Guys, turn to page 404...."
<ehFk> me being a smartass say "Sir.... I can't find it"
<ehFk> "Michael, It is page 404"
<ehFk> "SIR! I CAN'T FIND IT!"
<ehFk> I spent the next two minutes explaining to my class what 404 meant
<ehFk> and they all looked at me like I was the biggest fucking nerd EVER
<TheTik> wow... speechless.

 <ehFk> 今天上课时，弗兰克老师说「同学们，翻到第404页 (page 404)……」
<ehFk> 我自作聪明地回答说「老师，我找不到它」
<ehFk> 「麦克，我是说第404页 (page 404)。」
<ehFk> 「老师！我找不到它！」
<ehFk> 于是我花了两分钟在班上解释 404 是什么意思
<ehFk> 然后他们都看着我，就像看一个史上最蠢的傻瓜
<TheTik> 哇……无语
（又是一个计算机笑话）
docsigma2000: jesus christ man
docsigma2000: my son is sooooooo dead
c8info: Why?
docsigma2000: hes been looking at internet web sites in f**king EUROPE
docsigma2000: HE IS SURFING LONG DISTANCE
docsigma2000: our fucking phone bill is gonna be nuts
c8info: Ooh, this is bad. Surfing long distance adds an extra $69.99 to your bill per hour.
docsigma2000: ...!!!!!! F**K F**K F**K
docsigma2000: is there some plan we can sign up for???
docsigma2000: cuz theres some cool stuff in europe, but i dun wanna pauy that much
c8info: Sorry, no. There is no plan. you'll have to live with it.
docsigma2000: o well, i can live without europe intenet sites.
docsigma2000: but till i figure out how to block it hes sooooo dead
c8info: By the way, I'm from Europe, your chatting long distance.
** docsigma2000 has quit (Connection reset by peer)		 docsigma2000: 上帝救我啊
docsigma2000: 我儿子蠢~~死~~了~~
c8info: 怎么了？
docsigma2000: 他一直在看他妈的欧洲网站
docsigma2000: 他在上长途！
docsigma2000: 我的电话费要爆了
c8info: 哦，真糟糕，上长途网每小时要多花69.99块钱。
docsigma2000: ……！！！！妈的妈的妈的
docsigma2000: 有没有什么好的长途套餐？
docsigma2000: 因为欧洲有很多好东东，可我不想花太多钱
c8info: 抱歉，没有什么套餐。忍了吧
docsigma2000: 哦，好吧。没有欧洲网站我又不会死
docsigma2000: 等我想出怎么屏蔽掉再说，那个蠢儿子
c8info: 顺便说一下，我是欧洲的，你在长途聊天
** docsigma2000 退出了聊天室 （连接被重置）
（又是一个小白的笑话，可……这不正是教育网的真实写照么？）
<Mendo> lmao there's a wicked lookign spider on my monitor and if i move the mouse around he chases after it
<spitfire> haha mendo
<spitfire> take a screen shot
<spitfire> wait
<spitfire> that made no sense		 <Mendo> ，我显示器上有一只淘气的蜘蛛，它会跟着我的鼠标光标跑
<spitfire> 哈哈，Mendo
<spitfire> 截张图下来
<spitfire> 等等
<spitfire> 好像没什么作用
(morganj): 0 is false and 1 is true, correct?
(alec_eso): 1, morganj
(morganj): bastard.		 (morganj): 0 是假而 1 是真，对么？
(alec_eso): 1，morganj
(morganj): 狗杂种
（逻辑性幽默，你觉得他回答了问题吗？）
<Raize> can you guys see what I type?
<vecna> no, raize
<Raize> How do I set it up so you can see it?		 <Raize> 你们能看见我打什么吗？
<vecna> 不能，Raize
<Raize> 我该怎样设置才能让你们看见呢？
<samsim> I heard about this guy who broke into a lion's den at the zoo
<samsim> and got mauled
<samsim> and people were talking about how there should have been better defences put up to prevent people getting into the cage
<samsim> a friend of mine suggested setting up some kind of deterrent
<samsim> for example, putting some sort of fierce animal in the cage, which would attack anybody who climbed in		 <samsim> 我听说有个家伙闯入了动物园里的狮子洞
<samsim> 还受了伤
<samsim> 人家便讨论本应该有怎么样的措施来防止人们进入动物笼子
<samsim> 我的一个朋友建议采取一些威慑性措施
<samsim> 比如，在笼子里放些凶猛的动物，来袭击那些爬进来的人
<blazemore> omg i love this song
<blazemore> Now playing: Unknown Artist - Track 2 @ 128 Kbps. (0:47/3:24)
<Javi> blazemore: yeah, that's a bad ass song		 <blazemore> 天啊，我爱这首歌
<blazemore> 正在播放：未知艺术家 - 曲目 2 @ 128 Kbps. (0:47/3:24)
<Javi> blazemore：是啊，真是首烂歌
<Thumb> do you know of any major organizations that are similar the CDC?
<Lucent> who?
<Thumb> center for disease control
<Lucent> i said WHO
<Thumb> what? i'm asking you
<Lucent> World Health Organization		 <Thumb>你知道哪些组织和 CDC 比较相似吗?
<Lucent> who？
<Thumb> 疾病控制中心 (Center for Disease Control)
<Lucent> 我说 WHO
<Thumb> 什么？我在问你啊
<Lucent> 世界卫生组织 (World Health Organization)
（这是英语的问题……）
Egger: Heres the history of our medicine.
"I have a sore throat."
2000 BC : "eat this root"
1200 AD : "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1500 AD : "That prayer is superstition, drink this elixir."
1800 AD : "That elixir is snake oil, Take this pill."
1900 AD : "That pill is ineffective, Take this antibiotic."
2000 AD : "That antibiotic is artificial, Here why dont you eat this root."		 Egger: 这是我们医学的历史。
「大夫，我嗓子疼。」
公元前 2000年：「吃点儿草药吧。」
公元1200年：「草药是不神圣的，念点儿祷文吧。」
公元1500年：「祷文是迷信的，喝点炼儿金药吧。」
公元1800年：「炼金药是骗人的，服点儿药片吧。」
公元1900年：「药片是没用的，来点儿抗生素吧。」
公元2000年：「抗生素是人工合成的，还是吃点儿草药吧。」
<XnD> Personally its not God I dislike, its his fan club I cant stand <XnD> 我个人不是不喜欢上帝，只是受不了他的粉丝俱乐部。
Scud: The other day, in the park, I was wondering why frisbees look bigger and bigger as they get closer to you
Scud: And then it hit me		 Scud: 前几天在公园，我正在想为什么飞盘在接近你时会变得越来越大
Scud: 然后它就击中我了
<Tsk> oiuyniyu98h987h89yh87y98yjn987j987y897yhkiuk;''''
<Tsk> sorry.. there was a spider on my keyboard.		 <Tsk> oiuyniyu98h987h89yh87y98yjn987j987y897yhkiuk;''''
<Tsk>抱歉……我的键盘上有只蜘蛛
<Kyuss> how big should disk 1 of neverwinter be?
<JtHM> |<----------------------------->|
<JtHM> (not to scale)		 <Kyuss> 《无冬之夜》的第一张盘有多大？
<JtHM> |<----------------------------->|
<JtHM> （别去量）
<M3rlin-> what is the legal age to buy alcoholic in england ?
<p5Ds13a06> you cant buy alcoholics
<p5Ds13a06> but if you wink the right way, some of them will follow you home for free		 <M3rlin-> 在英国买酒鬼 (alcoholic) 的法定年龄是多少
<p5Ds13a06> 你买不了酒鬼
<p5Ds13a06> 不过你要是朝他们眨眨眼，会有几个免费跟着你回家的
（alcoholic是酒鬼，也有「含酒精的」的意思，alcohol才是酒……）

[多图]疯子们的革命之旅

吐血